Learning Right from Wrong

By Marilyn Marks

A recent client complained about her 8 month old Shepherd mix nipping at her 12 year old daughter’s feet when she walked across the house.   This cheerful, fair woman, who was excellent in class and allowed kids and dogs their age-appropriate behaviors, nevertheless just couldn’t wait until the week when we taught the dog to just stop when we said "no." She felt the dog’s training should come to a point when he would never do it again because he’d "know right from wrong."
"Well," I said, "what does your daughter do when the dog does this?"  Natural pre-adolescent girl response:  screech, flail hands, push dog away, try to walk away – all things that say "Wow, this is a fun game!" to the dog.  Yup, mom knew that, but if the dog would just not do it in the first place……  "Wouldn’t it be easier to explain to your daughter in English how to make it unrewarding to the dog rather than to explain it to the dog?"  Yes, mom agreed that made sense, but when will the dog just know "it’s wrong?"
"Never," I responded, "but even if he did, that doesn’t mean he’d make the right choice with your daughter."    Dogs (and kids and people) do what works (a phrase made famous amongst dog trainers by Jean Donaldson in her book, The Culture Clash).  The dog listens better to Dad than Mom, and better to Mom than daughter, but that’s because of the peoples’ behavior not the dog knowing it is right or wrong.  The dog "tries stuff" less with parents than with the kid, but the same is true for kids and dogs in general – we all know who we can "play."  The dogs (or kids) who "listen" to Mom and Dad don’t do it because it’s right, they do it because it’s not worth it to misbehave (consequences) and also the adults don’t stimulate the "bad" behavior to begin with.
Think about the times when you are (or were) "bad."  When there is a substitute teacher (new authority figure), who didn’t try to see what they could get away with?  When you go out with "the guys" or "the girls" are you not stimulated to act slightly differently (by everyone’s inter-actions) than you do at work? 
I explained to the woman to begin teaching her daughter behaviors that would not incite the dog’s play instincts. And to begin having her daughter use commands  the dog had already knew  (not in situations where the dog was nipping, but in all of life’s little moments). This way the dog would "respect" her, or at least understand that the daughter had an ability to control consequences (for our training, those are positive rewards), and to teach the dog – starting with the adults – to become alternately over-stimulated and to calm down on cue (command).  The dog will never learn "it’s wrong to chase the girl’s feet."  Instead, the two will form a good relationship and gain self-confidence, self-control and trust in doing so.  A little more effort than the woman wanted to make, but well worth it, she realized, in the end.